MMXX Christmas

It's that time of the year. Winter air. Ringing bells. Pretty Mistletoe. And cold night.

Meteor showers isn't my thing until you wished beside me when we saw one. It feels old - It's been years. But I still remember when you told me what you wish. I felt we both connect with each other. You wished the answer to my problems while I wish the best for you. And I end up realizing, we are both same. We both wish. But we both wish what's only good for you - There's nothing for me.

Its been 2 years since we both saw each other. For me, nothing's new. But for you, everything is new. I keep on wandering while I was stuck inside this 4 walls, am I the one who is not letting go, or it is my heart that can't let go? But then I realize, it is still me - both option is me.

Tomorrow is that time of the year. Happiness, joy, fulfillment. Smiles.

Here I am, smiling monotonously. I feel like with me being miserable, I also make my friends miserable. With me being this moody, I feel like I annoy them. And so I ask, "Do I make you all miserable?"


"No. You are not making anyone miserable."

Once again, it's me. The reason why I feel miserable is me. Why do I keep blaming myself? When will I stop blaming myself? And when will the time I can appreciate and love myself more?

"Now."

"Disconnect to connect."

... "But what if they will forget me?"

"Forgetting you is like forgetting someone who builds someone."

... "But I can't afford to lose my friends..."

"You will not loss them. True friends will stay. No matter how long, how hard, how rough, and how colorless the path is. They will be there."

... 1, 2, 3...

2020 Christmas will now be my start. It's a Christmas love. The difference of both story I tell is one at the past and one at the present. Now, I will redraw myself, together with the one with a better story.

Happy holidays, everyone!

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