I don't rush.

I told myself, I will focus on myself more - like, more of self-centered, me first and only, and all those to know me more. Yet to start of, I felt like it is unhealthy, so I go back to the start and just told myself to go with the flow and just think twice before doing a thing.

This might be cliché, but I never run out of love thoughts.

There is always a time where I suddenly daydream about those scenarios that I want to encounter. This might be because I am a bookworm or a writer, but the difference is that - I am the character. Although I always tell myself that it'll never happen, I also keep reneging and reasoning that it can't, but it might be.

Some people told me that we are too young to feel butterflies in the stomach. I did agree. In fact, whenever that feeling of confusion rise - I do try to stop it and tell myself, "Nah. It's not real.". But as I keep on telling that to myself, I suddenly ask myself, "So when is the time it'll be fine and real?"

It's been years since I first met this guy, but never do I feel a thing - I actually consider him as an enemy (for some reason.) We were grade schoolers, we know nothing about anything except subject matters. Fast forward, we became friends. I did expect it since we've been competing with each other, and our current study place is the most known here at our place. And so, we became friends - really good friends. And to tell you straight, I did felt something afterwards. But it's funny how the old me starts interfering again and I just kept telling myself, 

"It's normal for a friend to act that way." 

"Its not real." 

"You better think of something else, nobody will like you." 

"Stop imagining things, you are not as beautiful as the person behind your school chair, nor those beside you." 

"People look more on the image nowadays, you're awful."

"No. It's not genuine."

I never directly told this person that I like him because I am confused, but while we are casually talking, he said that there is nothing wrong actually with feeling that way.

Commitments should never be created immediately, but assurance or rejection matters - It tells you whether it is real or not.

There is nothing wrong with being rejected. Being rejected enables yourself to think whether what you really feel towards that person. While having assurance enables you to see until when will your feelings will last.

"How about those that commit straightway?"

Those that commit to others straightway will be fine. Why? Commitments are the same as promises. When you promise to be with someone now, what matters now is if you guys will break it or not. Broken commitments are painful - that's why I don't rush.

"How about those who waits?"

Those who waits are prone to being vulnerable. It is tricky. It is always unsure whether what your waiting for is worth it or not. What's worth it is having assurance - assurance that what your waiting for will come, the feelings will be reciprocated, and that you just have to wait. Waiting without assurance is like waiting for the moon to be blue - nearly impossible.

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This blog is not planned. But I just felt like I need to do this - so why stop myself? Never stop yourself if you are feeling like doing it for nothing or good.

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If you and I are just the same words,

I may not chat to you more, but just so you know I want to talk to you endlessly.

I may not call you more, but just so you know I want to hear your voice.

I may not get that assurance, yet it's better than getting no comment.

You might not feel the same way as mine, yet it is better to make things clear.

Chances should count as assurance.

Nonetheless, to you whose reading this, remove some burden in your life.

You are beautiful.

You are handsome.

You are you.