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My eyes stuck at the wall. I always hear my phone ringing as if there is a mail coming just for me. It’s strange how people seems so get attach for you then just get lost when that moment end – I can’t deny that there is always a time in my life where I imagine doing things I want... with someone. It’s not completely because of these movies I watched that makes me want to go at parks with someone. It’s not completely because of these books I read that makes me want to watch movies with someone up until late at night. It’s not also completely because of these people that surrounds me that makes me want to experience being in love. It’s just that... I also do. I also do want it. I want to experience the feeling it gives. I want to see me smile because I am happy about it. I want to see... a fairytale like life. You can’t truly understand something until it happens to you They say that experience is the best teacher – yet for me it’s the lesson that is the best teacher. These things I wan

Seems like the wound from the past is opening once again. It's painful. It hurts. Whenever I fix something here in the house, I keep asking, "how would it be better?", "Should I turn it like this?", "Should I click this one and put this here.", "Why does this keep falling?", "What seems to be the problem?", "All of a sudden?", "Here we go again.". Thoughts and questions like these surround my mind like a bumblebee - irritating. Some of my days are not good, some of them are just as lucky, some make me laugh all throughout the day - While some are.... just good to be true. I know there wouldn't always be good days - there are bad days. I've learned that we can't avoid that mere fact, yet we could balance OR imbalance it. Life can have more bad days than good days.  Life can have more good days than bad days.  And life can also be equal. I belive that life is meant to be lived and not to just be alive.

I feel like I lost. I feel like I forgot something. It feels like I am running while the water I am holding is spilling all over. I wake up every day now feeling that sense and thought that I need to be productive, but somehow I just keep doing nothing. And I keep telling myself, "I used to dance. I used to paint. I used to video. I used to play. I used to do crafts. I used to play instruments. I used to sing. I used to write poems and songs. I used to be admired... What happened?" Crying over those thoughts is more hurtful than crying over love. That feeling that you lost something you always do... It breaks my heart. Seeing those people I know being cast and called out for the things I used to be good at makes me sad and teary. That should be me... Every day I wish to myself to go back to what am I back then - to go back to that talented me. It looks like I am inside a cage wherein the door is open but I am at that one spot... crying, afraid, sad, angry, and thinking I can&